Let’s Rescue Danica from Herself

CART and IRL have merged, or rather CART has tanked and IRL agreed to pick up the pieces: drivers, teams and all. 

The IRL is now living by the golden rule – he that has the gold makes the rules.  So now the IRL has seen fit to create a new rule that has changed Danica Patrick’s outlook on racing, life, and possibly her own genetic makeup.

According to a USA Today article the IRL is now going to include the driver’s weight with that of the car and handicap the lighter drivers.  For Danica, who weighs in at 100 pounds soaking wet, this will mean that her car will be carrying some extra poundage as ballast to even things up. 


Danica’s feather weight status has irked other drivers in the series since 2005, with some claiming that her light weight would possibly give her an added mile per hour advantage per lap.  Such were the whispers around the tire changing machines.

So we thought that Danica might benefit from the right sponsor.  One that could help her even the odds.  One that would set the tone, so to speak.  We think that Krispy Kreme would be the perfect match for this petite racer.  Much in the spirit of Subway’s Jared, who’s weight went from 425 pounds to 190, partnering Patrick with Krispy Kreme could be just the advantage Danica needs to be on par with her peer group and in a few weeks she can weigh in with the best of them.

Krispy Kreme could use the star quality that Danica can provide.  If you look at their delivery trucks you can plainly see that their colors would really work well on an IRL car.  The free doughnuts would be an inspiration for the team and it would take no time before Danica’s weight was no longer an issue.  Hey, they could even tailor her driving suit after a police uniform!

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5 Responses to Let’s Rescue Danica from Herself

  1. Jim's sister says:

    I’m sure Paul Newman’s “feather” weight was the reason he won his last meet, too. Those old guys don’t weigh a thing.

  2. Noel says:

    This is BS. What it’s really about is that a woman (especially a small one) can compete with macho men. Since some of the “boys” still manage to beat her, how do they overcome her supposed weight advantage? (maybe by driving better and faster).

    If she was 5’11” and weighed 165 they’d still find something to complain about if she was placing well in the races. Her weight is just an excuse from the guys who are eating her dust. Maybe their driving skills need some Viagra.

  3. Rodney says:

    So I suppose they are going to check everyone’s weight and set the car weight so that everyone weighs in at the same cary/driver weight as the largest fatboy on circuit.

  4. Gordon says:

    For what it’s worth, in drag racing both cars and bikes, it has almost always been
    the combined weight that is measured for class compliance.

  5. Donlin says:

    I don’t think a drivers weight should have anything to do with rules and regulations. That sort of thing should be left up to the team owners.

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